A twenty-something’s quest to find herself: a classic saga.
The strange thing is, I have always thought of myself as very confident and comfortable in my own skin. I knew the role I needed to play and I did that very well—overachiever in the classroom, dedicated friend, superwoman employee, Jesus lover, and world-class homemaker wife.
I just got back from a trip to Israel with the church. In so many places and in so many people, I saw the face of God. I feel like I met Jesus for the first time in a way, and grew more in love with Him than I had ever dreamed. His humanity became so tangible for me.
Walking through the Jewish Quarter in the Old City of Jerusalem, I was talking with a friend in our group about pressure, perfectionism, and self worth. With a gentle frankness he said to me, “Think about it this way: if we were all perfect, we wouldn’t need Jesus.” How OBVIOUS! And yet, I had never thought of life that way before. It was a simple statement of fact and a poignant reminder of how little trust I had placed in God lately, even though I know God loves me as a shepherd loves his sheep.
The sentiment reminds me of the truth in the 23rd Psalm. We need a shepherd to guide us through life. He leads us to water and rest. He comforts and protects us. He anoints our heads with oil and loves us so much that He is preparing a place for each one of us in heaven—and being perfect is not a requirement.
I guess I’ve always thought (though, never admitted) that I need to play a role—and several roles at that—to be what is considered “acceptable” in the world. I need to be what others need me to be instead of what God as created me to be. I learned on this trip that God has bigger plans for me, plans that don’t include “roles” or pressure or perfectionism. I just need to be me.
In many ways, I feel like I met Jesus for the first time in the Holy Land. But I also feel like I met myself for the first time as well. I’ve wasted so much time searching for the person I am “supposed” to be instead of allowing God to use who I really am for His glory. It seems that, in a totally cliché way, this 20-something has finally “found herself.”
Beth Armstrong, Director of Welcoming Ministries
