I will never forget one of the first pastoral visits I made. I had just been appointed as a part-time local pastor to a small church while I still worked as a full-time physical therapist and began to take seminary classes. I was told of an elderly woman who was sick and so I made arrangements to visit. When I arrived at her home, I was greeted by her daughter who was helping to take care of her. Her mother was sitting in a chair and didn’t make eye contact with me or say anything when I greeted her. The daughter kept prompting her mother to engage with me saying, “Mom, this is the new pastor. She came to visit with you, isn’t that nice? Don’t you want to talk with her? This will help show you that you are going to get better, and you don’t have anything to worry about.” The mother would respond only with “yes” and “no”, but it was obvious she was not enjoying my presence or her daughter’s intervention.
Finally, the mother spoke out saying something like, “I’m just ready to die.”
The daughter immediately spoke up and gently chastised her mother, “Now Mom, remember – we aren’t going to talk like that! You are going to live for a long time!” Then the daughter looked at me to reinforce the message and said, “We don’t talk about death.” At that, the mother sank back into her chair and I could tell that she was done with the conversation. I looked at the daughter and then, to her chagrin, I asked her mother, “Do you want to talk about death?” For the first time in my visit the woman looked directly into my eyes and then said, “Yes.” I could feel the daughter glaring at me, but I continued on:
“Are you worried about death?” – “No.”
“Are you looking forward to Heaven?” – “Yes, I am!”
“Are you looking forward to seeing God?” – “Yes.”
“Who else are you wanting to see?” – “I can’t wait to see my Grandmother! It has been so long!”
“Tell me about your Grandmother…”
I felt the daughter begin to relax when she saw that the mother wasn’t wanting death and she wasn’t depressed. She just wanted to talk about life beyond death. Initially the daughter thought the topic of death would cause her mother to have fear or feel depressed. The opposite happened! The more her mother talked about death, the better she felt. It became obvious that it was the daughter who was having trouble thinking of losing her Mother.
Losing a loved one is one of the most profound pains we will experience. Reuniting with a loved one will be one of the sweetest joys. Don’t be afraid to confront your worries regarding death and find time to consider the reunion ahead.
Rev. Wendy Lambert, Senior Executive Pastor
