“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” – James 1:5
As teenagers, we think we know it all. We have all the answers and everyone else just “doesn’t understand.” This sentiment could not have been more true for me heading toward my 16th birthday. While I was completely crushed by tragedy that had stricken just months prior with the loss of my mother, I felt this total desire to run as far and as fast as I could toward a feeling that was somewhere between numbness and overwhelm. I just wanted ’normal’. Well, normal landed me at a church camp in which I had been encouraged to go to by my Jewish foster parents (the irony was never lost on me). It was there that I would meet some of my closest and dearest friends to this day, feel whole for the first time in a long time, and find myself face to face with Jesus.
In truth, I was annoyed with myself that I had fallen in love with the worship music, the sermons, the small groups, the community – I had become the cliche I so deeply abhorred, but I was so full of joy and life that I didn’t care. One night, after watching The Passion of The Christ, I ran into the field and sobbed. I was letting God have it because I didn’t understand Him, nor why He would make me suffer, much less His own son. Nothing made sense and I screamed for Him to come find me and tell me what the truth was. Well… He showed up. That meeting transformed my heart, my mind, and healed my broken soul in an instant. I didn’t know a person could change so dramatically, but I was truly made new and reborn into the arms of my loving Father.
The change that took over me was one that I wish would occur in more people today, mainly those who consider themselves already believers in the faith. See, I wanted to be right far more than I wanted to be free or healed, because I thought if I was the one with the answers, then no one could hurt me. That is what I see so much in others – people that would rather be right than ever be exposed for being afraid, in pain, or in need of more love. Everyone is just a child trying to become an adult, understand the world and themselves, and grow a legacy. Yet, without God, we cannot be assured that we will have success in our future endeavors. We move forward into the future by God’s wisdom, His gentle guidance, and an undying faith that He will make us successful.
Kelsey Paul, LifeLight Worship Leader & Director of Arts Education
