Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. – Ephesians 4:31-32
One of the most important lessons I learned about forgiveness was presented to me during a pre-marital counseling session with my now husband and Rev. Wendy Lambert. Whenever a couple decides to get married at St. Luke’s, they are required to complete a set of counseling sessions with the minister who will be performing the wedding ceremony. These sessions are very helpful in that they introduce the couple to the officiating minister, open up the couple’s eyes to potential issues they may run into down the road, and ultimately confirm a couple’s decision to join their lives together as one.
In one session, Wendy asked us to share about conflict resolution and the ways in which we fought. At the time, I dreaded having to answer her questions on this topic since, to me, that felt like admitting that our relationship wasn’t perfect. She asked if either of us had ever brought up something that the other one had done previously in order to “win” a fight. I took a few moments to think about it, and when I answered I shared that I couldn’t recall a time when I’d done this in the past, but I was afraid that it might be something I would do in the future.
She explained that while dredging up your spouse’s past wrongdoings can really help to win a fight, or make your spouse feel bad when you’re upset with them, it isn’t good for your relationship. Once an issue has been resolved and forgiveness has been extended from one person to the other, it is important to stay true to that forgiveness and not bring the issue back up – just for the sake of making someone feel guilty all over again.
I believe this is the sort of forgiveness that God is calling us to practice in this passage from Ephesians. When you say you forgive someone, but you still harbor bitterness, anger, and ill will towards them for their wrongdoings, have you truly forgiven them?
Forgiveness can be such a tough virtue to practice, but I believe that when we forgive others for their transgressions in a spirit of kindness and compassion, we understand even more the way in which Christ has forgiven us.
Morgan Jones, Director of Small Group Ministry
