It has always baffled me how some of God’s people seem to never have a bad day. If you don’t know what I am referring to, then maybe you are one of these lucky few who seem to always carry joy with them everywhere they go, always see the cup half full, and generally seem to be trusting God with every millisecond of their day. I am jealous of these people. I used to be one of them, years ago when I first came to know Jesus. The thrill of who He was, what He promised us, and knowing that my faith was no longer in the world or in myself, but in this King that loved me so much – it overtook me almost every day. This childlike faith at 16 years old was a thing that defined me for many years.
I cannot tell you at what point my faith started to hurt, not because God disappeared, but because I started struggling with very real issues that, in the moment, seemed more like a self-inflicted punishment for not being “the best Christian I could be.” I felt a loneliness that can only be described as soul-crushing. I have been carrying heavy burdens, but the Bible says in Matthew 11:28, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Yet, I didn’t want rest. Rest meant that I had to face myself, face the failures, the sicknesses, the losses, the pain… who in their right mind wants to face all of that?
Someone I know well, one of the lucky ones I mentioned earlier, told me that I just need to spend time with God again. “Easy for you to say… you don’t have a 15 month-old who demands every extra piece of me.” She was so wise, so kind and gentle – she looked at me, and with almost a forcefulness unlike her normally cheery self, said, “You will never be who God is calling you to be if you do not spend time with Him.” So, I started with 2 minutes of quiet time a day. Granted, I fail at this a lot, but in the 2 minutes, God has reminded me of who I am, who He is calling me to be, speaking light into darkness, and filling my cup again.
2 minutes. That is what I call all of you into today. 2 minutes of silence. Not asking Him for anything, not needing anything, just sitting with Him in total stillness. You may not hear anything or accomplish anything great, but those 2 minutes is an act or rebellion that will set a fire in your faith that God takes deep, deep joy in. You are seeking Him. He wants this more than you know.
– Kelsey Paul, Downtown LifeLight Worship Leader & Director of Arts Education
