Mark Twain once said, “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”
A number of years ago, during a difficult time in my life, I felt very betrayed by some people very close to me. Assuming they knew what I was feeling, rumors were spread, stories were told that were untrue, and I felt like everything in my world was being sabotaged.
I tried to put on a happy face, but inside I was so hurt and angry. It started taking a toll on me. You see, I had recently become divorced, which in itself is hard – but now because of the things being said, I began doubting myself, questioning my motives, my friendships… my self-esteem sunk to a low point. I became paralyzed.
It’s not easy to admit, but I secretly waited for something bad to happen to those people who hurt me…. a ‘passive revenge’ as I learned it is called by one of my favorite pastors and author, Rob Bell. It was while watching a sermon of his that everything came boiling to the surface, and I believe I came to truly understand forgiveness.
He said, “Forgiveness is not condoning a behavior and forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation. Reconciliation takes two parties. Forgiveness is always personal. Forgiveness is a process. Forgiveness is freedom and liberation. It (forgiveness) is a death that leads to resurrection instead of the lifelong living death
of bitterness and cynicism.”
Hearing his words gave me a profoundly different view and understanding than ever before. In the past, I always thought that if I was a “good Christian,” I was required to forgive immediately and be over with it, never to think of it again.
Rob offered one more suggestion – a visual way of releasing the anger and hurt and surrendering all ideas of “revenge” to God. I wrote the names of each person who hurt me on separate pieces of paper, drove to a small chapel in a church where I grew up, and laid each name down, one by one, at the foot of the cross on the altar. As I did this, I felt an incredible wave of peace come across me.
Being able to own the hurt allowed me the ability to entrust that hurt to God – not bury it or let it simmer inside. I felt liberated. I felt joy. I no longer felt the “hold” that I allowed the hurt to have over me.
Forgiveness is setting someone free… and that someone is you.
Julie Robinson, Executive Director of Studio 222
